15th June 2015No Comments

How To Kill Yourself?

This is a heavy and difficult topic for a blogger debutant but an important one. To drown the Internet with relevant texts about suicide.

I have experienced depressive episodes in my life three times. I was on the edge of nothingness, vegetating, feeling deeply meaningless. I did not want to be a burden to people and ironically this was one of the reasons I chickened out of the final trigger. I thought of how much trouble and pain will it cause my flatmate to clean my corpse, inform my family and organize my funeral.

Three times I have reached such bottom, that I could no longer bear that meaningless existence. The only thing that was painful was the ghostliness of the entire experience. I could not bear it and I started looking for help.

I turned googled phrase from 'how to kill yourself' into 'how to save yourself'. I have lost all my dreams and all my ambitions, all the things I cared about. Perhaps, I lost them long time ago. Only one thing mattered - to be happy.

Surprisingly if you focus solely on being happy rather than the things you think will bring you happiness, such as love, money, ambition, travel, career, beauty or whatever is that matters to you, only one thing is left to complete - happiness. You don't have it but you start looking for it everywhere possible, in the places you have previously ignored, things you previously dismissed as too cliched to make you happy. Happiness of good night sleep, happiness of a soft fabric, happiness of sunrise, happiness of taste of coffee, happiness of a walk on a fresh air, happiness of relief that you found a courage to speak up and tell someone about your fears, trust me they will listen. Happiness of a cinnamon smell, happiness of a song, happiness of healthy meals.

Simple things bring happiness.

Find a soul, that is more lost than you. They are everywhere. Your world might be falling apart, I believe, but someone's else world might be shattered to pieces too. Make them smile, even just for a minute.

Other people suffer too, connect with them, do not isolate.

Almost two years ago I was coming back from my therapist on a bus. I saw a girl walking in to the bus with a face full of tears. I did not know what happened but I knew how she felt. Before leaving a bus I wrote a note:

'Smile, world is full of beautiful things and strangers care.'

Before leaving a bus I handed it to her and when the bus was driving away I saw her smiling through the window to me. I know this is silly and cliched, but if I managed to make one upset stranger smile that makes me happy.

Try. It is really worth it. When fighting for your happiness and recovering from your depression you will also enter the sphere of magic. If things are so bad that it cannot be worse, you have an enormous capacity to appreciate every little thing that makes you feel good. Caught up with daily routine normal people do not see it. You can. Your aching heart is so desperate to find a little bit of happiness, you will be able to notice every detail that contains it. I call it post depressive circle of happiness and I am inviting you to dance inside with me and other people who have faced the worst.

At the very beginning of your new quest for happiness start from checking this small simple list: Everything Is Awful and I’m Not Okay: questions to ask before giving up.

If you don't have anyone to talk to, talk to me. I love getting to know new people and making strangers happy. All my friends were strangers once upon a time.

And if you are a blogger, who has stumbled upon this corner of the Internet, I am encouraging you the same as I was encouraged by Riennahera's post) to write a similar post, let's flood the Internet with the really relevant advice for those who want to know about 'how to end your life'.

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12th June 2015No Comments

The Perfect Strangers

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I grew up feeling alienated and lonely. I was very slowly learning how to make friends with other kids that could not be more different from me. The rise of the Internet and social media introduced me to the nation of dreamers of this world and my heart was happy to discover that somewhere out there I belong. To those who daydream about the faraway lands, see beauty in the small things and are spiritual about music.

It became clear to me that one day I will pack my bags and leave home in search of the unknown and the minds alike.

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When the very first opportunity arised I left my hometown to study abroad. I have met many wonderful and inspiring people since then and I could not overstate how thankful I am to the Internet for showing me that there is more to life that my safe four walls and making me believe that it could be mine only if I try.

Yet there is still a certain nostalgia for those days when each new thing you learn about  your friend was treasured. We loose our interest too fast with the constant social media updates. How beautiful it is to feel the excitement of awaiting the things to discover in friendships formed over years, appreciate their uniqueness instead of boredom and loss of interest after the instant access to everything superficial. To write letters and postcards.

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Imagine my enthusiasm when yesterday when  through that very loved and hated social media channels I came across an old fashioned and nostalgic invitation to make friends from faraway lands. One of my recently favorite magazines 'Oh Comely' is inviting everyone to participate in their letter and package swap that takes place all around the world! 'Oh Comely' content is bright & dreamy, positive & calm. They describe themselves as a magazine that makes people smile, inspires creativity and encourages them to talk to their neighbours. Their project is called The Perfect Strangers and matches random people who signed up to participate to send each other little gifts or packages.

You can register for The Perfect Strangers Project here.

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I have a good feeling that this whole idea with the letter swap thing is a wonderful way of making friends across the globe in an old-fashioned way but with a modern open mind. It also reminds me of primary school when in English classes we were encouraged to make pen pals from England. As a 10 year old I chickened out but now I have already signed up and I can't wait to get matched up with my partner. And you? Are you ready to join?

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8th June 20152 Comments

At The Dawn of The Photography Adventures

IMG_6365I have been coming up with hundreds of excuses to postpone starting a blog. Being a perfectionist can be a drag sometimes. It is a wonderful feature of character to keep you improving your work but an extremely intimidating one when you want to make a first step. I was always telling myself that I would like to start a quality blog and for that I need to keep practicing writing but with a schedule lacking an hour for a calm dinner I was always struggling with finding more time to sit down and and write even one of the entire list of ideas for texts I have.

After an engineering degree I have stopped writing on a daily basis and lost my flow. I have thousands of thoughts to share, but I was scared to kick the blog machine before I have at least a few posts aligned. Good posts that is.

I have been waiting for too long, postponing to share my work with you until I am ready, while I was never becoming ready. I realized that I am missing the point. 'Photography and Other Miracles' was first and foremost supposed to be a platform for sharing magical photography and only secondly the rest of the miracles. Let the perfectionism drive me and my blogging becomes better with time. However every journey begins with a single step.

The first collection of photos I will share with you is a memory of a cool spring morning in Islington district, London with my friend Marta, a seasoned lifestyle blogger and author of Riennahera. Since my pen is not as sharp as her and I feel my photos speak louder than my words, I am leaving you with the visual medium.

 

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IMG_6293Model: Riennahera

Location: Angel, London